In the south, storms usually come in the summer. They build in the mix of heat, cold fronts, and humidity. For me, there has been a storm brewing for some time. Everytime I think lightning is finally going to strike, it just pushes back and simmers some more. A little bit of heat gets added, and then a cold chill calms me down until the next moment of suffocating humidity starts choking the inspiration in my body.
I think this has been going on for most of my life, but recently I feel like lightning could hit at any moment with just the right push. I hope this storm rolls in nice and smooth so I have the skills and preparation to make a lasting impact.
The past three years as a creative I have spent so much time feeling like a fraud. I have met frauds, and I have loved frauds, and I have convinced myself that I was a fraud, too.
But now I see that no one is a fraud unless they are truly doing it for the art. You can be a creative and make something you are proud of, but unless you have something to say I have reason to doubt whether you’re doing this for the right reasons.
I have realized I have a lot to say. And the next year I plan on only pushing content that has something to say.
As a person, I am traumatized, I am loud, I am provocative. I have moments of elegance, I have moments of embarrassment, I have moments of sadness.
I want to show trauma. I want to be loud. I want to be provocative. I want to be elegant. I want to be embarrassed. I want to be sad. And I want everyone to see it.
Everything I have tried to accomplish up until this point was fueled by the rage of those who hurt me. Now, I want to just show myself, my emotions, and my thoughts. For once, I just want to be myself.
The only way I will ever be free is by being honest. Maybe the lightning strike I’m waiting on is just me. Why not me?
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